Monday, February 11, 2008

More Like Last Week...

So where was I?

Oh yeah. That's right...

But before I begin I might clarify something.

When I had hubby crying a few weeks ago about rooting Angie I assumed his inability to discuss the situation with Me was a sure sign of his guilt. For not only could he not look me in the eye and admit to me What he had done, when I asked him directly if he had fucked her too, or at least worn a condom, he walked away without answering; shaking his head with what seemed like remorse. Or regret.

Apparently it was neither.

Because Now the story is that he didn't fuck her at all. Which is what he Should have said when I asked him; especially if he didn't want me to assume that he had. Especially if he ever expected Me to believe any differently.

So anyway; hubby had the shits at me all week. Mainly for discussing the sordid details of my Life with all and sundry. Even You; the Blogging Public. Well; it's my fucking life; ain't it? Aren't I allowed to vent my emotions to my friends? I can't help if the gossip includes him too. He's the fucking cause of the shit most of the time.

So I'd told Jen Jen. And M. And C. And Bar Chick. I even told my boss J. When he found out he cracked it. Told me off for Villifying Angie to all 'our' friends when none of It (whatever the fuck It was) had been her fault. Because she had been under the impression we were broken up (which could only have come from him, right; I hadn't seen or talked to her in months). Oh; and by the way he hadn't even fucked her. And neither had Golden Shower Boy. And neither had Twink.

I told him I couldn't wait to see CC. And that I'd tell her, too. And that I'd seen Mac's niece K at the pub that day and that apparently Ange had now shacked up with the father of K's kid.

Hubby, who thinks K is crazy, disputed this as rubbish. And went off about me talking to K about this at all. I told him I didn't go to her with Any of this. She had seen my car at the pub and ran in to see me and tell me Angie was up to it again; except this time with the fella she's been trying to work it out with. K already knew about hubby being with Angie; because her ex, S, had told her Angie had said it had happened 'weeks ago'.

More like Last week.

Fucking Semantics...

I honestly thought I was doing my utmost to sort things out with hubby; if nothing else aren't I proving to him that I'll stick by him through Everything. Even though almost everyone who knows the extent of the shit I've put up with off him tell me he's had enough second chances. Maybe the trouble is he's never had to ask for a second chance. I've always given them. Freely.

So; Wednesday came around...

Hubby was down at the Pub and I joined him after I had finished work. It was too late for a counter lunch so we decided to buy hamburgers and have an early tea with the kids. At three o'clock I left to collect little Son from school; leaving hubby and Fido there for a few more beers.

When I got home I noticed hubby's phone was sitting on the bench. Presuming that hubby had called Fido on it before leaving for the Pub I picked it up and hit the Recently Used button. My name popped up as the last call made. And beneath my name was her's. Angie's. And he had called her two days previously. On Monday.

So I went through his messages. And up she popped.

Angie: Hi hubby! :) I am going down the Pub tonight can you give me the heads up if Buffoon is planning on being there. Thanks :)

So, Me being Me, I messaged her back. Off hubby's phone.

Me: Heads up slut. Buffoon knows everything. Lose this number bitch. I better not see you.

Press Send.

Then I rang Fido's phone. Asked to speak to hubby.

Hubby: You're calling off my phone?

Me: Yeah. Funny what you find in a phone.

Hubby: I'll explain it to you when I get home.

Me: It's too late. I already sent her a message. I just...Reacted.

Then I went out for a while with little Son. When I got back (with dinner) he was there but told me he wasn't staying.

Because I'd done what he'd told Me 'Not To Do'.

I hid his keys when he was in the shower; when he told me he'd only hate me more for keeping them from him I gave them back. And packed a bag for little Son and Myself. And left. I figured the only way to keep him at home by this point is to leave myself.

Then he would stay. With Me. Us. Right?

I rang my Mother and told her just to drive eldest Son back to her house; because that's where we'd be. I rang my Mother-in-law and asked if the three of us could stay there for a few days. Then, realising eldest Son's girlfriend's mother was picking up g/f from My house I messaged hubby. To get him to tell g/f's mother that she was at my Mother's house.

He rang. Said he wasn't at home. Said he had no hope left for Us.

I messaged him to say that seeing as he was staying at Twink's I would sleep back at the house with the kid's. I presumed he'd get rat-faced drunk and sleep on the couch.

The kid's and I returned home at eight o'clock. We had a peaceful night.

Then; at 12.30 his car pulls up. He comes into the kitchen where I was sitting on the bench smoking. He told me he didn't think I was going to be here or else he wouldn't have come home. I told him I'd sent him a message saying the kids and I would be staying at the house if he wasn't going to. He told me he'd turned his phone off to avoid my messages. I told him the only reason he was here (and had drunk-drove home) was because there was no room on the lounge next to Pak. And he couldn't fit.

We were screaming at each other by this stage; I can only hope the kid's were still asleep.

He told me Repeatedly that It was all over. Over. For some reason I found myself justifying Myself. For going through his phone (to tell him I would bring hamburgers home for tea; if I really Had been checking up on him via his messages surely I would have found it on Monday when it happened, not on Wednesday when we were buying hamburgers). For causing him to seek affection from other people; look at he state our relationship is in (Just what Was your sob story to her; that you needed a shoulder to cry on; don't tell me you were crying to her about Me; that makes me feel ill) For that I got called a bitch. For villifying Angie when she was the innocent party in all this; (hang on what did I do that made you go there, why wasn't the affection I gave you All Last Week and the week before fucking enough). That if I had questions about what had happened with Angie I should have asked him and he would've told me anything I wanted to know (no; he didn't. I asked. And He had walked away without a word of denial).

Then he went to sleep. On the lounge.

I went to bed, too.

And I slept like shit...


~*~KRITTER~*~ said...

hey buff its krit hope all will work out ur a tuff girl and you need better :) i know you can do better :)

rn_buffoon said...

Thanks Kritt...

We're all missing you at work; but congrats on your new job. Your mum was pretty chuffed for you!


~*~KRITTER~*~ said...

ill find out tomorrow hopefuly ill get it

Miss Understood said...

Sometimes I find it so hard to leave a comment here. Every bone in my body is screaming at me to tell you to leave him once and for all, but then I know how much you love him and how much shit you've put up with over the years...and if you throw it all away now, what was the point in any of it?

See? I'm as torn as you are.

I really do hope that one day all of this will change though, and your biggest worry will be how many laughter lines you're getting. x

Jenny Wynter said...

I couldn't have put it better Miss.


rn_buffoon said...

Miss; therein lies my dilemma also.

I can only imagine how other's see what happens; but from where I sit it only seems to be getting worse. Huh?
I looked through my archives today; for perspective. I'd actually forgotten a lot of the shit that has gotten us to this point in time. And it ain't getting any better.


rn_buffoon said...


This may be because both you and Miss have been there since the very beginning of this blog.

You, Jen, were even part the inspiration for the blog. Gempires being the other; after I had seen you both on a panel at TINA in 2005. I hadn't even heard or looked at a blog before this.

Miss; I'm just grateful you stumbled across me in Cyber-space. Your advice and thoughts over the years has been both appreciated and invaluable; even though I am largely still doing the same shit as I was when we 'met'.

Jen; I made a point of checking out your website; primarily because you were a comedian but I've stayed around all this other time because you're the genuine article. I really hope to meet you one day.

Both of you.

Jenny Wynter said...

You're a real sweetheart.

And I'm sure we'll meet in person one day, don't you worry bout that! W

ho knows, if we can pry Miss Down Under then maybe we could all hook up together? ;-)

I try to refrain from offering advice when I read your blog, namely cos I remind myself that just reading your thoughts here doesn't mean I know everything about you or the situation or anything. But all I can say is just hang in there and treat yourself well. You're a good person, that comes through even in the midst of the shit.

Take care of yourself. xxx